“If Your Partner Isn’t Hands On, He Shouldn’t Have Hands” – by Jenny Mollen
Actress Jenny Mollen, who’s married to actor Jason Biggs (you def know him from American Pie), uncovers some naked truth from her family life with their two kids- four-year-old Sid, and nine-month-old Lazlo. She recently took to Instagram to talk about balancing the mom and dad job, and about having a ‘hands-on’ partner. And no, it wasn’t a public thank you note for expressing her dearest gratitude and recognition towards her thoughtful spouse.
Rather, she decided to tell things as they are.
“People often ask me if I feel lucky that @biggsjason is such an involved dad and the answer is, no. I expect him to be a good father! That’s why I had kids with him.”
“Nobody would ever say to a man, “wow, you are so lucky your wife feeds and bathes your children”
Can we get an Amen to that? Why are the “mommy-ing” and “daddy-ing” standards so ridiculous today? If a dad goes away from work, the mom is expected to stay home and keep the ship sailing without any sort of a nanny army or 4 grandparents. It is “by default”, she is simply “doing her job”. But if a mom spends some time away from the family (for no particular reason – maybe she goes away for work, or simply needs a new hairdo, mani-pedi ritual or just a weekend away), the help comes rushing in for the ‘poor dad’ , making sure he isn’t left alone to do his work, get his things done AND parent on top of everything else, God forbid.
And whether we are talking a weekend or a few hours, the same rules apply.
“For women, it’s expected to love and protect and show up for soccer practice.”
“For men, an hour or two alone with the kids on a weekend somehow warrants a trophy. (Or at least a World’s Greatest Dad mug)”
“This double standard is antiquated and insulting.”
Now, I often bring this up casually with my husband, whom I more often than not find myself praising base on the same household “activities”. And then I wonder “why did I get the need to say thank you for doing the dishes for me” when he uploads the dishwasher? Or “Oh you hanged the laundry to dry, thank God”. Or “Thanks for taking Sasha out so I could shower in peace, put on a mask and sip my coffee without being interrupted and re-heating it for 3 times in one hour”.
But I do, so often. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to thank them. It’s great to show your appreciation for what they do and for the times they help out, but my point is, why isn’t the reverse true? Why isn’t he (or any other dad I know in this world) ever thanking us for doing all the mom stuff we do without showing off?
I’m not the only one sitting her and applauding Jenny for her words. Her post has started thousands of likes and comments backing her up.
As one commenter said, “So on point!! I make sure my husband never lets compliments like this go to his head by reminding him he’s just doing what he’s supposed to do and not to compare himself to the lazy douches of the past. Why do people feel the need to coddle men??”
“Thank you 🙏🏻My husband is hands on and it drives me crazy when other women make these same comments! “Oh, your husband watches the kids?” Um, NO! My husband takes care of OUR children, just like I do!”
Oh. So. True.
While Jenny raises lots of nod-worthy points in her post, her ending really lays her true feelings bare…
“If your partner isn’t hands-on, he shouldn’t have hands.” #sorrynotsorry