Amidst all the stress, anxiety and uncertainty we might be experiencing right now with everything going on in the world, we need to keep our heads above the surface and attract happy thoughts, fill ourself up with good energy and stay positive. This is a story about journeys… the exciting, scary, unmeasurable journey of becoming a Mom.
Sometimes motherhood surprises us in the most exciting way possible. Sometimes we ache for it for what feels like an eternity, sometimes we fight for it, against it, in spite of it. There are women who become mothers from the first try, and others who struggle for months, even years, to fulfil their biggest dream and bring life into this world. Mothers who experience easy, unforgettable deliveries, and others who prefer not going through that day ever again. Motherhood comes when you least expect it or when you most fiercely chase it. It heals, surprises, excites, worries, blesses and changes every piece of you, the woman you once were. Now, you become the mom. A different meaning for each one of us, but the same God-sent blessing.
My journey of becoming a mother the first time around was, and will probably always remain the best thing I have gone through in my very early 20’s, and I most definitely owe that to my then spontaneous, innocent, young, fierce-less spirit. Without them, my choices would have looked vey differently back then, and without them, I would not be the Mom I am today.
I am so grateful for having been 20 years old when I decided I want a child. I am so grateful for my back then innocence in decision making – at that age girls are still into dating, clubbing, socialising, traveling, studying abroad and playing strip poker (not so sure about the last part, but I guess that’s what single girls do haha). At that time all that mattered for me was the man I was in love with and our common desire to express our love into something higher than us. At that time I was not second guessing every single detail surrounding my life. I was not over-thinking a wish that came out of pure love; I was not over planning a pregnancy in relation to every other factor surrounding my life; I was not asking for anyone else’s opinion or arguments for or against my choice. I wished and decided with my heart only, leaving the brain and rationale on the second place.
And God, I made a good choice. Now, 5 years later, things look exactly the opposite to how I described my past. Now the thought of a second child revolves around so many outside factors, that I wish one day my rationale would hop on a plane and leave me the fuck alone for a year or so, and would give me back my freedom, my innocence, my spontaneity and my young spirit.
I wish I could be set free from over-thinking a decision that should not be over-thought. A decision that should only have love at its base, and that should not depend on anything from the outside.
I am beyond blessed and grateful I got pregnant so easily after making a wish at 00:00 on New Year’s Eve – I know my age, lifestyle and genes helped a lot. I hope whenever I will decide on having a child again, my journey will be just as easy and beautiful. However, I know it’s not the same for all women. I know that the journey towards pregnancy and motherhood is sometimes paved with challenges, pit stops, hardships, outside help and above everything, a lot of faith.
Hence, I bow down to all women in this world who do not give up when faced with challenges in bringing a child to this world. I appreciate you, admire you, and respect you for pursuing a wish that is higher than us all, and for fighting for a wish that is never guaranteed.
Motherhood is beautiful, hard, challenging and fantastic. Pregnancy, even more so magical. Cherish it and never give up on it.
Realmomster Muse: Alia Malin
Photography: Sophie Ebrard
Words by Mara Popescu